In the UK, when a school is found to be continuously failing, it is put into Special Measures.
I am putting myself into Special Measures. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve woken feeling sick and self-loathing from yet another binge. I don’t know why I am bingeing so badly, so continuously. There are many factors in my life right now I could attribute it to, but I think it’s something deeper.
Anyway, I have drawn up a 2 week meal plan and my Special Measures dictate that I will eat what is on the plan and nothing else. I must not – yes, must not – deviate from it. Clearly, there is nothing with sugar or wheat on it, just healthy meals I love. The plan is that not having to think about food, because it’s all laid out for me, will allow me to stop obsessing about food and get on with my life; and that when the urge to binge or eat those trigger foods comes, I’ll say to myself
‘You cannot eat it because it’s not on the plan’.
Of course, I’m sure I will often rebel against myself, but I intend to suppress rebellion with draconian measures if need be. I do not want to have to turn myself into an Academy (little joke only UK readers will get there).
But joking aside, this really can’t go on. I cannot go on feeling this sick, this defeated, this hopeless, this trapped, this horrible.
I’ll post every day as to how I’m getting on, and frankly I’ll welcome all the support I can get.